Sharing family stories is one of my favorite things to do. It’s fun and makes your family tree come to life. However…
Did you ever stop to think that maybe your Uncle Jim doesn’t want you to share that story about the time he got drunk and… well, you get the picture. Writing down stories in your notebook at home is one thing. Airing your family’s “dirty laundry” publicly on your favorite genealogy website is quite another. As you record your ancestor’s history for posterity, be considerate, and think about how these stories might affect others.
Before you click the publish button on your family stories, ask yourself these four questions:
Are the people in the story still living? If so, do you have permission to share?
Imagine that you’re “surfing the net” one day. You suddenly come across a page that lays out all the embarrassing details of that thing you did in high school. What?! You had no idea? I’m guessing you wouldn’t be delighted that someone recorded your story for the sake of genealogy, especially if it’s a story you yourself would rather forget.
It might be different, however, if the culprit had asked your permission to share the story first. Always let your living relatives make their own decisions about their privacy and what they are willing to share.
Will the story have a direct impact on people who are still living?
When I say this, I am primarily thinking of stories that may involve questions of paternity. Back before DNA began to prevent everyone from hiding their secrets, relatives and adoption agencies used to take “oopsy babies” and give them new identities. These kids had no idea that their parents weren’t their parents. The families often did a very good job of keeping the secret. If a situation like this exists in your family, don’t blow the whole thing wide open by making the story public. Those directly affected may find out anyway through DNA tests, but don’t make it a “surprise” on your website.
Does the story involve events that are part of an ongoing lawsuit or investigation?
This might seem like a no-brainer, but I do raise an eyebrow at some of the things people post on Facebook. Don’t tell the story of how your nephew landed in the county lock-up. Or the ongoing saga of your grandparents’ contested will. Until you’re sure you’re not publishing information on open legal matters, stay away! You don’t want to end up with a lawsuit yourself.
Has the story already been published online by someone else?
This doesn’t necessarily mean that you can’t share it as well, but make sure you use your own words. Plagiarism is not only rude but can get you into trouble. See number 3. Sharing stories should be fun, and legal battles are not fun!
Even if the points above don’t apply to your story, you may have a relative who doesn’t want you advertising the family’s dirty laundry. This doesn’t mean that you can’t publish your stories online, but you will want to consider the feelings of the living as you do so. Will your stories give your family lasting memories and a sense of who their ancestors were? Or will they just create a family feud?
If you talk to your relatives before you go public with your family stories, you’ll avoid problems down the road and ensure your family tree is something for the whole family to treasure forever.
